Written by Sydney V. Smith, Light Worker & Twin Flame Expert So you’re wondering what the difference is between a twin flame and a narcissist? That’s understandable. A narcissist can masquerade as a twin flame, so it makes sense that you’d be wondering who you might be dealing with - especially when you've dealt with narcissistic abuse in a toxic relationship. My name is Sydney V. Smith, and I'm a light worker and a twin-flame expert. That's how I can confidently tell you that if you are dealing with what seems like an overly-controlling partner, you aren’t dating someone who could be your twin flame. Check out the video below for an understanding of the difference between a narcissist and a twin flame.

 

What is a narcissist?

A narcissist is someone with a very specific personality disorder (NPD) that leads to an inflated sense of self-esteem and a diminished capacity for empathy and compassion. Narcissists are often manipulative and controlling, as well as emotionally abusive.

What is a twin flame?

Your twin flame is your true spiritual partner, the one you have been waiting for your entire life. A twin flame is an incredibly intense soul connection. When a soul is created, it is split into two parts. Mirrors of each other, constantly yearning to connect. Even when you least expect it, this can result in an instant, powerful connection when you meet your twin flame. There's little scientific evidence for twin flame relationships, although some psychologists argue the phenomenon is real. The purpose of a twin flame relationship is to awaken you to your untapped potential and ignite a fire deep inside you. This relationship pushes you to do and be better. Opening up a world of possibilities you never even dreamed of. Please keep in mind that finding a twin flame isn’t easy. Some never even find their twin within this lifetime! With that being said, it’s really easy to label a new partner as a “twin flame,” just when you think things are going well. Before all the problems start showing.

Are twin flames the same as soulmates and twin souls?

Twin flames are often confused with "soul mates" and "twin souls." These terms do not mean the same thing as "twin flame." A soul mate might be someone that you have had many lifetimes with, but that does not mean you were meant to be together romantically in this lifetime. In fact, the majority of soul mates do not experience an intimate relationship together in this lifetime.

What's the difference between soul mates and twin flames?

Unlike soul mates, twin flames are not necessarily romantic partners. They may be our parents or children, or they may be so young that we don't yet recognize the relationship. Twins are intense teachers, showing us what we need to work on in ourselves. You can bet that your twin flame will challenge you like no one else ever has! The most important lesson twin flames teach us is unconditional love. Twins show us how to grow beyond our ego-based selves and into our higher selves. They're here to help us remember who we are as spiritual beings having human experiences.

What is a true twin flame relationship like?

Twin flame relationships are intense, and it's not unusual for them to start with a sudden and powerful connection. They're also highly emotional, thanks to the deep spiritual connection between twins. While twin flames can have close emotional bonds, they can also be quite distant from each other. Some of these relationships never become physical, and some end in heartbreak or betrayal. Twin flames don't need words to communicate — their spirits are connected.

What are the signs of a twin flame relationship?

When things seem too good to be true they often are, but in this case, they're not. However, a true twin flame relationship is not a relationship that is all roses and rainbows 24/7. It is a higher calling, and for it to work, both the twins need to be willing to do the inner work. The challenge is not with the other person but with oneself. Here are the defining traits of a true twin flame relationship:

The twin flame relationship is all-consuming.

The twin flame connection is instant and so strong that it can be overwhelming at times.  It is an instant, instinctive and undeniable soul connection that transcends the physical.

• It starts with a sudden connection.
• You feel like you have known them before
• You feel like you can communicate without having to speak
• This can be a tumultuous relationship at times but it will bring extreme joy and happiness as well.
• A strong sense of spiritual connection is present from the start.

The twin flame mirrors you.

They mirror your own personality and issues back to you (which is why many people run from their true twin flame. They don't want to face their own reflection!) Your soul starts awakening as soon as you meet your twin flame even if you never make contact with them in this lifetime.

• You feel like you can see into each other's souls
• A deep, telepathic knowing of one another.
• Intense emotions come with the territory.
• The feeling that you've known each other for many lifetimes.
• You have an intense desire to help each other evolve and grow spiritually.

The relationship feels like a homecoming.

There's an instant feeling of familiarity. Twin flames complete each other on a soul level, which is why the relationship feels so comfortable and familiar, even though you may have never met before. There is an unspoken understanding of one another on the deepest level that only your souls can truly describe. You're able to be completely honest with each other and share anything without fear of judgment or being misunderstood.

Romantic twin flames are friends first and lovers second.

Twin flames have a strong sense of purpose to their lives individually and together, so they often have other priorities besides just being “the one” for each other romantically. There is a camaraderie and friendship that builds over time as you go through life together as companions, partners in crime, best friends, and loves.

The relationship has ups and downs, but you're always drawn back to each other.

You can't stop thinking about them or missing them when they're not around, even if it's only been a few hours since you last saw each other, this is especially true of the twin flame runner dynamic where one person will run from the relationship due to the intensity of the connection and the need for personal growth before he/she can be with his/her twin in union (twin flames unite on a soul level first before they unite in a physical incarnation). You feel an overwhelming sense of spiritual oneness with each other, as if your souls were merging together when you're together and when you're apart, you can still sense each other's energy and presence in a way that feels both familiar and deeply nurturing to your soul.

What is a false twin flame?

There is something called a “false twin flame," which is sadly more common than a true twin flame. These fake twin flame relationships can often be found in toxic narcissistic relationships. In these cases, the narcissist will pretend to be your soulmate and they will project a false persona. They will pretend to be everything you’ve ever wanted in order to get what they want from you, which is typically status, sex, or money - also known as narcissistic supply. Sometimes the narcissist won’t even realize that they’re doing this, as they may have been taught to act this way by their parents who were also toxic. The narcissist will lure you in with compliments and love-bombing, but eventually, you’ll see that it was all an act. They want you to think they are your twin flame which is the very definition of the term.

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How can you tell the difference between a twin flame and a malignant narcissist in a relationship?

The beginning of both twin flame and narcissist relationships can be beautiful. This is why it’s important to know the difference. A narcissist pretending to be your twin flame will say anything to keep you believing them. They’ll say they are exactly the person you are looking for, but you’ll notice their actions say otherwise. While it is true that narcissism exists on the same spectrum of unhealthy attachments to spirit - and is often confused for a twin flame connection - it is not the same thing.

The Narcissist

The malignant narcissist is someone whose ego has become so inflated that they see their own reflection in everything around them, and everyone else as an inferior extension of themselves. They are constantly seeking validation from others and are unable to give it to themselves. They have boundless energy when they connect with someone they feel they can feed off, but they also have almost no empathy for others. As a result, they cannot form real connections with others because they are not bonding with another person, but instead are trying to fill up their own empty space by projecting themselves onto other people and getting what they want from them. A narcissist is someone who has a deep sense of insecurity and low self-esteem that uses grandiosity to cover their pain. Narcissists have a hard time empathizing with others, but even then their needs come first. They struggle to form real relationships and live in a fantasy world where they are above everyone else.

The Twin Flame

On the other hand, a twin flame partner reflects your greatest light back to you - but not in an egotistical way. A twin flame relationship can be intense because it forces us to look at ourselves and our patterns more deeply than we ever have before. It makes us feel vulnerable and exposed but also gives us the opportunity to heal. A true twin flame will have no problem committing to you. Once you’ve reached the union phase of the twin flame journey. You’ll know exactly where you stand with them. With no game playing or confusion! A narcissist on the other hand will never fully commit to just one person. A twin flame is someone who comes into our lives to help us evolve spiritually. With them, we experience deep love, passion, intimacy, companionship, unconditional love, and true friendship. They encourage us to become the best versions of ourselves and mirror our deepest desires.

What are the similarities between twin flame love and narcissistic love?

There are lots of similarities between twin flame love and narcissistic love, including the following.

• The instant connection of a twin flame can feel similar to the euphoric love feeling of a narcissistic relationship feels during the love bomb phases. This is why it’s important to not ignore these red flags and know the difference - so that you don’t end up falling into the abusive cycle of a narcissist, thinking they are your twin flame. 
• In both relationships, there will be moments when you feel more deeply connected than ever before.
• There will also be times when you question your sanity.
• Both relationships will lead you to incredible levels of personal development, in very different ways. 

How do you find your true twin flame?

If you are looking to draw in your true twin flame the best way is through inner work and self-love. After all, no union can be achieved unless the work is done first. Twin flame love is all about self-improvement. So if you need help with that, I suggest meditation, self-reflection, self-love, and manifestation tools.  With Valentine’s Day around the corner…some are looking for love and some already have it. Don’t be too discouraged If you don’t have a Valentine this year. It’s the perfect time to work on things like self-love, which is the most important kind of love. Also, a powerful tool that helps you to draw in more love. For a new partner or a twin flame. A term that’s picked up momentum the past few years. Different from a soul mate. A useful tool I have for this is a twin flame candle I designed for drawing in your twin flame. Infused with special crystals to help you manifest more powerfully. With rose quartz crystals for friendship and love, along with Carnelian and red jasper for sexual energy and excitement. The way to use this candle is to set your intentions each time you use it. Recharging it each time. Even comes with a prayer for invoking and drawing in your twin flame. Candles in general are a very useful tool for manifesting.

Start Getting Help with Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Today

Online help is readily available for survivors of narcissistic abuse. Here are some options to begin healing from narcissistic abuse right away.

• Sign up for our free email newsletter service that includes a free guided recovery experience via your inbox.
• Start your narcissistic abuse recovery here with our free narcissistic abuse recovery support system and program.
• Think you might have C-PTSD, but you’re not sure? Then, take our free C-PTSD Self-Assessment.
• Join one of our free online narcissistic abuse recovery support groups!
• Join one of our private small coaching groups!
• Get private, one-on-one narcissistic abuse recovery coaching or counseling.
• Get a therapist who will work with you online. Check out our guide to finding a therapist or psychologist who understands narcissism and narcissistic abuse.
• Learn more about the narcissist’s cycle of abuse.